Do you have someone in your life with whom you feel completely relaxed? Someone you can share your insecurities and vulnerabilities with? The person you can admit to when you’re feeling underconfident or unsure about a bold decision you made in front of everyone?
If you have someone like that, you’ve found a safe space. By “safe space,” I don’t mean a physical location but rather a special kind of person—a human being you can call home.
I believe you can laugh with many people, but you can’t cry in front of just anyone. The person in front of whom you can cry—that’s your safe space.
You feel relaxed with them because you don’t have to pretend. You don’t have to impress them or wear a mask. From my experience, pretending can be exhausting, draining both your physical and mental energy. I’ve felt this energy drain in various situations, and it’s such a relief when you don’t have to act.
Sometimes, it’s not just the person but also the place that forces us to pretend. Imagine hanging out with your best friends at a high-end, sophisticated café. Even with your closest friends, you might feel out of place and start pretending to fit the environment. That’s why I prefer private spaces when meeting my people—at home, during a car ride, or on a long walk. In these spaces, I feel completely at ease.
Sometimes, I visit my friends’ homes even on their workdays—thanks to the work-from-home culture. I bring my work along, whether it’s my laptop or a book I’m reading. We don’t talk much, but just being together feels good. During breaks, we chat, eat, watch random videos, or do whatever we feel like. And even doing nothing together has its charm. You don’t care whether you’re on the couch or lying on the floor—it feels like home.
Here’s a little test for your friendships: think about the last time you had a meal at a friend’s place and then took a nap there. If you’ve done that, chances are that friend is truly one of your closest. Although, of course, this isn’t a strict rule.
I’ve made tea at my friend Sahil’s place a few times. He’ll casually ask, “Want some tea?” and if I say yes, he’ll shamelessly tell me to go make it for both of us. He knows I won’t mind, and I don’t. That’s the beauty of a safe space. Even if we annoy each other, it’s okay. We can say what we feel or even throw playful punches, and it’s all in good spirit.
If you have a safe space in your life, you’re incredibly lucky. If not, start by being a safe space for someone else without expecting anything in return. You can’t force a safe space to appear—it has to grow naturally. This is a struggle for many people, and it’s unfortunate.
I believe safe spaces can significantly help with mental health. Many mental issues stem from not having someone to confide in. Just talking—venting out your thoughts and emotions—can make a huge difference. That’s why therapy works; it provides a space to talk openly without judgment.
This is why I strongly believe that while romantic relationships are great, having deep, meaningful friendships is even more essential. These friendships can carry you through life’s highs and lows.
I don’t know if I’m a safe space for anyone, but I always try to be. I don’t know if people have found peace in my presence, but I know for sure that I’ve found mine in a few special people.
These people make me believe in karma, past lives, and rebirths. Sometimes, when I meet someone and feel an instant connection, I joke that we must’ve been good friends in a past life. In this life, I can’t think of anything I’ve done to deserve such amazing people. Even if I count all the good deeds I’ve ever done, they don’t seem to measure up to the blessings I’ve received. So, I believe these friendships are the fruits of good karma from past lives.