In many texts, love is talked about a lot. If you read some romantic poetry or some spiritual poems by Sufi saints, you’ll find them saying, “Love is the foundation of all things in this universe.” In some Sufi song, I heard them say that for the very first time, love was felt by God, and out of this love, God created the entire universe and put life into it.
Things happen inside a human being who’s carrying love in their heart—be it love for a partner, parents, friends, the world, or love for no reason at all. The more love a human carries in their heart, the more beautiful their life becomes. They become light. They don’t mind others doing petty things. They don’t complain much.
Love takes the form of many other feelings and relationships as well. It becomes motherhood, fatherhood, brotherhood, friendship, family, gratitude, love stories, charity, philanthropy, joy, peace, happiness, anger, fun, etc.
Love is the same everywhere, but it’s the conditions we place on love that make it take many forms. And all of these conditions are man-made.
The majority of people have placed so many parameters to make this love look different—to make it take different forms.
If you ask them the definition of love, they wouldn’t be able to give you an exact answer. They’ve associated the word “love” only with a life partner. According to their definition, if you love someone, it means you marry them and have babies with them. Otherwise, it’s not love. They’ve even come up with another term called “liking.” If you love someone who is not your partner, it means you just like them. I think it’s a stupid concept. In Hindi too, they’ve created two terms—prem and pyaar—for liking and loving, respectively. But if you ask them the difference between those terms, they won’t be able to explain.
I think that love can only be felt—it can never be fully described in words.
I believe that one day, all of these parameters that have been placed on love will disappear. The only question is how soon or late that will happen. For some, they’ll even have to wait until their deathbeds for this to happen—and even then, it’s not guaranteed.
If I’m sitting on my deathbed and you come to me and hug me, I’ll definitely give you a tight hug without thinking about the relationship we had, without thinking about the parameters we had placed on our love for each other. It doesn’t matter if you’re my partner, my friend, my parent, my child, someone else’s child, or maybe just a stranger. It will be the same. It will all be love.
That day, all the parameters will vanish. I just ask you—do we need to wait until that day for it to happen?
Let me describe an incident here. It was my last day in Kerala. Some small incidents happened there that were full of love. I got a call from one friend, Rekha. She asked me not to leave without meeting her. It was love. One of my friends, Nupur, was expecting a chocolate from me as we were leaving. It was love (and I hadn’t brought one for her. Fortunately, I had some other sweets that I gave to her, saying I had bought them just for her. This kind of thing happens to me all the time). Two other friends were going for dinner, and when they saw me waiting for the taxi to the railway station, they waited with me for 30 minutes. It was love. The taxi driver clicked pictures for us even without us asking. It was love. One of my friends, Aman, said that he wanted to cry but couldn’t—just because he was a boy. It was love.
Love can take the form of gratitude. Here’s an interesting example. This is about a person I know who must be in his 50s. Around four years ago, he suffered a paralysis attack. Half of his body was paralyzed, and there was very little hope of recovery. But by God’s grace, he recovered to a good extent. He is now able to walk and do all his work. Still, his right side doesn’t work very well—but he is now able to drive his car. The place where he lives is a gated society. And whenever you want to go in or out, you need to open and close the gate yourself.
One day, I was there and saw him coming. I asked him for the keys and offered to open the gate so he wouldn’t need to get out of the car, open the gate, drive out, get out again, and close the gate—a hectic process for him. I just wanted to help.
But when I went to him and asked for the gate keys, he politely refused. He told me he could manage on his own. I was surprised. When he got out of the car, he told me that just like I was trying to help him, he also used to help people a lot when he was younger. He said that even after paralysis, if he is able to drive, if he is able to do all his work, it’s only by the grace of God. He was so grateful to God that he didn’t want anyone to help him with the things he could still manage, even if it required some effort.
And I was really happy to see all the gratitude he had for his current condition. It was also love—love that had taken the form of gratitude in his heart, helping him not complain about his situation and stay happy.
In my life so far, I’ve received a lot of love. And I never differentiate the source of love when I receive it. I’ve received love from my family, my friends, strangers, and even animals. I believe that if you start differentiating between the forms of love, you’ll surely feel dissatisfied and unhappy.
I know people who have a genuinely loving friend circle but complain that they didn’t receive enough love from their father. That may be true. But if they hold on to that feeling, they might spend their entire life complaining and craving fatherly love. And just because they differentiated between the love of a father and that of a friend, they’re suffering. By making that distinction, they belittled the love they received from their friends.
I think that love is the grace of God. It’s only through God’s grace that you’re able to experience love in any form. Even if you have a dog that loves you dearly—be grateful for that love. Because that dog doesn’t necessarily love the entire world the way it loves you.
If someone I barely know shows genuine concern for me, cares for me, and makes an effort to help me in some way—if I sense that they’re not pretending—I don’t question their efforts. I accept all the love I receive from them, and I make a genuine effort to reciprocate that love.