Around 2018, I used to create and post small motivational and inspirational videos on my Instagram page. At that time, I liked creating those small storytelling videos. I created those videos in the hope that those videos might help someone having a tough time feel better. And to my surprise, I even started getting messages from some strangers online who liked my videos and many times people also connected with me on phone calls to discuss their lives. They just wanted someone with whom they can share their thoughts and feelings. And in this way, I got in touch with many beautiful human beings who are way more than just an online friend for me today.
One fine day, I posted some content there and some ideas that I shared in that content resonated with a girl named Varisha and she texted me about how she liked and appreciated my work. As our conversation went on, she told me that she lost her left arm in an accident while she was in 11th standard. And at first I didn’t believe her. I thought she was kidding me. It’s very easy for anyone to say anything to anyone online. People are not bound to show their real self there. So to verify what she told me, I went to her profile and scrolled through all the pictures that she had posted. In almost all the pictures, I noticed a pattern that her left arm was always hidden. In all those pictures she managed to pose in a way to hide the left arm.
Then I reached to the bottom of the photos grid and then I was shocked when I saw an image in which I could see her prosthetic left arm. Now I believed that she was not kidding me. And I was full of emotions and I strongly felt like talking to her.
Normally, people used to request a phone call to talk to me to feel better but that day, I requested a phone call with her to feel better and fortunately she agreed to talk to me. In the call, I was blown away by her positivity and her mindset. She was so full of life. Today I am grateful to God that that phone call happened that day. Today she is one of my best friends. And I can’t believe that I found her online just like that.
I’ve met people who lost their limbs when they were very young, like at 2-3 years of age. If these kinds of incidents happen in childhood, people are able to cope with it better (although it is still very difficult) because they grow up with that situation. They get in the habit of handling stuff. But if this happens to a late teen it is very difficult. As they’re full of dreams, full of energy. At this age, they plan how they want to live life, what they want to do in this life. No negative thought can even cross their mind. And if at this time they meet an accident like this, their lives can turn upside down. All their dreams and future plannings can shatter in front of them. This suffering can feel like a mountain but she overcame that mountain and went beyond it.
But these kinds of mountains are difficult to cross alone. In her case, her family was always there for her. But with the conversations with her so far, I came to realize the important role that her mother played in her life. Her mother knew that her life would not be the same, from the point of accident onwards. And she prepared her for all the difficult days of life lying ahead. She believed in her. She did her best to encourage her to pursue quality education so that she is not dependent on anybody in her life. And when I see my friend today, I can clearly see all the contributions made by her mother in shaping up her life. She drives a car wonderfully, has completed her masters program with distinction from Canada, secured a job in Canada, has cleared some competitive exams, and has taught students preparing for IELTS. The biggest contribution that her mother has made is her mindset.
You must have seen handicapped people begging at public places. In no way do I want to say that they’re doing something wrong. But I want to convey how having a helping hand like my friends’ mother helps. The people who are begging just because they lost an arm, didn’t actually get a chance to develop their mindset. They didn’t get a chance to be educated. Maybe when they met with an accident, they didn’t have a person like Varisha’s mother in their lives who could help them prepare for life’s challenges. There would have been nobody to tell them that they could still live a normal life like all other human beings. Similarly I know one other guy whose both legs don’t work. And he literally walks with the help of his hands. And that guy is very passionate about his life and his dreams. When I met him, he was successfully doing a network marketing business and he once said that a person is not handicapped because of a disabled body part but he is handicapped because of the disabled mindset. And this quote of his stayed with me.
Varisha showed me that when you don’t have a certain way to do things, you find other creative ways to do those things. One day, she sent me a picture of nail paint that she applied, on her right thumb. I saw that photograph and I was okay with it. But after a while, something clicked my mind. How did she apply nail paint on her only hand? And I was even wondering, how did she even click that photograph of her hand? Then I was curious. I was making assumptions and guesses of all the ways she could have done that and then I asked her. She told me that she used her toes to apply nail paint on her thumb and she used her neck and chin to hold the phone to click that photograph of her thumb by using a timer in the phone’s camera. How amazing is this! If you don’t pay attention, you won’t even notice how she does all the day to day tasks in a very different way than the majority of the people on this planet. And when I see all of these ways, it just makes me wonder how and why, a majority of the world is busy complaining about each and everything in their lives(even when they have a lot), and there are these beautiful people who are embracing whatever they have to do everything they want to do.
Even if I wonder about all the things that she’s doing with her only hand, it is still a constraint upon her. She is not doing it all because of her choice but because of the situation life has put her in. One day, on a phone call with her, I said that “I understand how she feels to not have an arm” and she replied without even waiting “No. You don’t!”.
I was taken aback with this response of hers. And in a moment, I just realized that she was right. I truly didn’t understand. And I think that I may even never understand that.
So many times we go through situations when we tell others that we understand what the other person is going through but it is never the case. We can only imagine it but can never feel the exact same pain, the mental agony, the life challenges that another person might be going through. We are in so much hurry that we don’t always take a moment to think before speaking.
From that day, I tried to change how I speak in situations like these. Now when I see people suffering, see people in problem, I always try not to say “I understand your situation”. To offer my help, I just say that “maybe I cannot even feel your pain the same way you do, but I’ll try my best to be there with you if you need me”. Now I understand that I don’t understand!